My number today was 192. My RE says that he is cautiously optimistic, but wants me to do another blood draw on Monday. This is what the HCG calculator said about my rate:
The Two-Day hCG rise was 133 % and is considered adequate.
From what I've read they like to see a 60% rise...so I feel like I can be cautiously optimistic as well. Please keep praying. All of the kind e-mails and just knowing that so many of you are praying for us means the world to me.
Love,
Elsie and Baby Bean(s)
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
HCG numbers
For those who aren't familiar with HCG numbers this is a good synopsis:
http://blogs.webmd.com/healthy-pregnancy/2005/11/hcg-levels-and-ultrasounds-in-early_30.html
My number yesterday was 54. Apparently that's low, so I'll be going in Friday to make sure that my numbers are going up as they should. As you can see from the above article, numbers being low isn't a huge deal, but the nurse at the IVF clinic made it sound as though it was a sure sign of miscarriage. She even said "continue with the estrogen and progesterone for now" as though on Friday I would have to come off of it so that my body could get rid of the pregnancy. The following link has a guideline to HCG levels during pregnancy. I was 4weeks and 0 days on the day they took my blood.
http://www.americanpregnancy.org/duringpregnancy/hcglevels.html
As you can see from the chart, 54 isn't an awful number for a 3-4 week pregnancy. It's not as high as many first hcg tests, but that would make sense if the baby implanted late...and the baby implanting late makes sense when you consider that they were 6 and 4 cells. Most day 3 transfers are 7,8, and 9 cell babies. Mine were still shaking off the freezer burn.
So I'm trying hard to stay optimistic. God is in control, not the nurse. It was wrong of her to be so negative and make me feel negative about things, but thankfully God knew this would happen and has already given me the verse "trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"...from everything I've read about HCG levels, they don't mean much of anything unless they aren't rising. So I'm not going to lean on human understanding right now, but on the eternal God who knew this baby from the beginning of time and has a specific purpose for his/her life...no matter how long that life span is.
So I'm pregnant. Yay! I'll rejoice today and weep tomorrow if need be.
http://blogs.webmd.com/healthy-pregnancy/2005/11/hcg-levels-and-ultrasounds-in-early_30.html
My number yesterday was 54. Apparently that's low, so I'll be going in Friday to make sure that my numbers are going up as they should. As you can see from the above article, numbers being low isn't a huge deal, but the nurse at the IVF clinic made it sound as though it was a sure sign of miscarriage. She even said "continue with the estrogen and progesterone for now" as though on Friday I would have to come off of it so that my body could get rid of the pregnancy. The following link has a guideline to HCG levels during pregnancy. I was 4weeks and 0 days on the day they took my blood.
http://www.americanpregnancy.org/duringpregnancy/hcglevels.html
As you can see from the chart, 54 isn't an awful number for a 3-4 week pregnancy. It's not as high as many first hcg tests, but that would make sense if the baby implanted late...and the baby implanting late makes sense when you consider that they were 6 and 4 cells. Most day 3 transfers are 7,8, and 9 cell babies. Mine were still shaking off the freezer burn.
So I'm trying hard to stay optimistic. God is in control, not the nurse. It was wrong of her to be so negative and make me feel negative about things, but thankfully God knew this would happen and has already given me the verse "trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"...from everything I've read about HCG levels, they don't mean much of anything unless they aren't rising. So I'm not going to lean on human understanding right now, but on the eternal God who knew this baby from the beginning of time and has a specific purpose for his/her life...no matter how long that life span is.
So I'm pregnant. Yay! I'll rejoice today and weep tomorrow if need be.
Monday, October 27, 2008
A Rainbow Baby
On the loss boards that I lived on after Chase died, there was something called a rainbow baby. A rainbow baby is the baby that God gives you after you've lost your child. Just as the rainbow was the sign of the covenant between God and Noah that the storm was over and God would never flood the entire earth again, the rainbow is a symbol to those of us who have lost babies that God still loves us and He provides healing and restoration. On Saturday we were outside while Mike was smoking some yummy meat. It had been a rainy, yucky day. It was drizzling and we thought it was weird because the sky was cloudless right over us (although there were clouds surrounding us). While the sun wasn't out, I thought we might find a rainbow. In fact, I prayed for a rainbow just as a sign that everything would be o.k. And what a rainbow it was! 
I don't know how the story will end. Neither does anyone that God asks to walk by faith. It is frustrating, it is terrifying, it is good...because it is God's will that we learn to trust not on our own understanding, but on God's. I had none of the pregnancy signs I was looking for. I didn't think the cycle had worked. I told my husband our babies were with Chase. God has a different plan: 
Yes, it is tempting to be terrified of losing this baby after the loss I've endured. After all, I haven't seen a heartbeat, all I know is I have HCG in my pee. I'd love to see that line a little darker...to know for sure that my HCG levels were high and it is a healthy pregnancy, but God commands us to lean not on our own understanding, but in all our ways to acknowledge him and he will make our paths straight. My own understanding doesn't matter right now. I can analyze and try to remember if this line is lighter or darker than the one with Chase, but I would be overlooking the gift. The gift is a pregnancy. I'm thankful today. I'm happy to be pregnant today--no matter what tomorrow may bring.
I don't know how the story will end. Neither does anyone that God asks to walk by faith. It is frustrating, it is terrifying, it is good...because it is God's will that we learn to trust not on our own understanding, but on God's. I had none of the pregnancy signs I was looking for. I didn't think the cycle had worked. I told my husband our babies were with Chase. God has a different plan: 
Yes, it is tempting to be terrified of losing this baby after the loss I've endured. After all, I haven't seen a heartbeat, all I know is I have HCG in my pee. I'd love to see that line a little darker...to know for sure that my HCG levels were high and it is a healthy pregnancy, but God commands us to lean not on our own understanding, but in all our ways to acknowledge him and he will make our paths straight. My own understanding doesn't matter right now. I can analyze and try to remember if this line is lighter or darker than the one with Chase, but I would be overlooking the gift. The gift is a pregnancy. I'm thankful today. I'm happy to be pregnant today--no matter what tomorrow may bring.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
PUPO
Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise (PUPO).
Thank you for your prayers! God did provide 2 embryos out of the 4 we thawed. The other 2 didn't make it.
They were not as high quality as the embryos we put back when we conceived Chase, but I've learned that its not really about the quality. I've seen women with poor quality embryos get pregnant and women with high quality embryos end up without a baby. God will decide how my babies do.
So the babies. We'll call them 3m and 2p (they were rated a 3- and 2+ on a 5 point scale, last time we had a 3+ and 4-). 3m was a sloppy looking 6 cell...meaning that the bubbles/cells weren't perfectly rounded. Well, 3m's mama isn't very tidy either, so I say that one just takes after me...2p was perfectly round and beautiful, but since it was only a 4 cell (rather than an 8 or 9 cell), it got a lower score. My RE thought that that one may give us our best chance and may just turn out to be a slow grower.
I wish we had a scanner that worked, I'd post a picture of the babies...yep, they give you a picture to take home with you!
But that's what we're working with. For now I'm just thrilled to be PUPO!
Thank you, thank you, thank you all for your prayers!
Thank you for your prayers! God did provide 2 embryos out of the 4 we thawed. The other 2 didn't make it.
They were not as high quality as the embryos we put back when we conceived Chase, but I've learned that its not really about the quality. I've seen women with poor quality embryos get pregnant and women with high quality embryos end up without a baby. God will decide how my babies do.
So the babies. We'll call them 3m and 2p (they were rated a 3- and 2+ on a 5 point scale, last time we had a 3+ and 4-). 3m was a sloppy looking 6 cell...meaning that the bubbles/cells weren't perfectly rounded. Well, 3m's mama isn't very tidy either, so I say that one just takes after me...2p was perfectly round and beautiful, but since it was only a 4 cell (rather than an 8 or 9 cell), it got a lower score. My RE thought that that one may give us our best chance and may just turn out to be a slow grower.
I wish we had a scanner that worked, I'd post a picture of the babies...yep, they give you a picture to take home with you!
But that's what we're working with. For now I'm just thrilled to be PUPO!
Thank you, thank you, thank you all for your prayers!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Praying specifically
When I was in the hospital, and we were in limbo with regards to whether or not Chase would be able to stay in utero for a few more weeks, the nurse told me to pray specifically. So we did. And as the news got worse and worse we passed on specific prayers. God answered. Some of you may remember that my placenta was over my cervix. This is known as placenta previa. Normally, it would be cause for a C-section, but since I was so early in my pregnancy, a C-section was not a good option because of the type of cut they would have to do. It meant that if I ever got pregnant again I could never have even one contraction or my uterus could rupture--basically I wouldn't be advised to get pregnant again. The other option was a D&E. Pretty much an abortion.
At this point I became angry at God. It didn't seem fair that someone who had saved her purity for marriage and always been adamantly against abortion would have to undergo one for her very wanted baby. And in my anger I heard the whisper "pray". So we passed on to my college friends at least (the prayer warriors of my life), and I don't know if Mike passed it on to the church or not, to pray for a safe vaginal delivery.
As decisions rushed forward and we were transferred to another hospital that would be able to do the D&E I was hopeful. Despite everything the doctors said, I knew that God's hand could be moved by prayer and with other saints praying that He would act, He did. When we got to the new hospital they did one last ultrasound to see what they were dealing with. And surprise, surprise, they weren't dealing with placenta previa anymore. It had moved. At that point they went ahead and induced me for a normal vaginal delivery and 4 hours later, with no other incidents except for my fever rising, Chase was born.
God still works miracles. He answers prayers. And because I believe this, I'm asking that you pray for our embryos that will be thawed this week. We have 4. Last time we had 6 and we only got 2 good ones to put back. Of those 2, Chase was born. 4 seems like pretty low odds in light of that, but not in light of the God that we have. So please pray specifically that the embryos will thaw safely and develop as they should.
Our transfer is on Friday, at this point, I don't know what time. Please pray that God's will be done with the outcome. I know He is in control and He has a plan. If His answer is "no," I'm ready to accept that as well. My older son is running around playing with his truck. If that isn't testament to a faithful God, I don't know what is. So God's will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Amen.
At this point I became angry at God. It didn't seem fair that someone who had saved her purity for marriage and always been adamantly against abortion would have to undergo one for her very wanted baby. And in my anger I heard the whisper "pray". So we passed on to my college friends at least (the prayer warriors of my life), and I don't know if Mike passed it on to the church or not, to pray for a safe vaginal delivery.
As decisions rushed forward and we were transferred to another hospital that would be able to do the D&E I was hopeful. Despite everything the doctors said, I knew that God's hand could be moved by prayer and with other saints praying that He would act, He did. When we got to the new hospital they did one last ultrasound to see what they were dealing with. And surprise, surprise, they weren't dealing with placenta previa anymore. It had moved. At that point they went ahead and induced me for a normal vaginal delivery and 4 hours later, with no other incidents except for my fever rising, Chase was born.
God still works miracles. He answers prayers. And because I believe this, I'm asking that you pray for our embryos that will be thawed this week. We have 4. Last time we had 6 and we only got 2 good ones to put back. Of those 2, Chase was born. 4 seems like pretty low odds in light of that, but not in light of the God that we have. So please pray specifically that the embryos will thaw safely and develop as they should.
Our transfer is on Friday, at this point, I don't know what time. Please pray that God's will be done with the outcome. I know He is in control and He has a plan. If His answer is "no," I'm ready to accept that as well. My older son is running around playing with his truck. If that isn't testament to a faithful God, I don't know what is. So God's will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Amen.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Brrr...Cold Babies
My Bible study has been studying Genesis. It has been so good for me to be reminded of God's hand in everything. Creation is amazing and it shows how God is a god of details. He is involved in everything. It is planned and has a purpose. Even when He created Adam and Eve and they sinned, he revealed his plan to save them from their sin through their son Seth. My aching heart has found healing in this reminder. God is a god of details. He has a detailed plan for my life too. One that was thought out before one of my days even came to be. One that was thought out when He spoke and there was light. God knows where this journey leads, and I am confident of that.
So in the midst of this lesson, I've been having some real-life testing. We went back last week to see if my cysts were gone and we could start a frozen embryo transfer (FET). They had shrunk, but they were still there. The RE told me to continue with the patches, and they took some blood to see what the cysts were doing. The results: The cysts didn't seem to be doing much of anything. My hormone levels were normal. That was good to hear. Even if I can't go through with the transfer this month, it looks as though my body is getting better instead of worse.
Today we went back again. The doctor could see a little more and 3 of the cysts appear to be outside of my ovary. Meaning that the doctor isn't worried about them one bit. The 4th cyst could be active and turn into an egg that is released. In this case, the cycle wouldn't work because my hormones would take over. That is the main concern right now.
So I go back on Friday to see if the cyst has gotten bigger. If it has, then we cancel the cycle and try again next month. If it hasn't, then it is inactive and we'll be free to do the FET next week.
Through all of these events, I've just has an overwhelming peace. Not a peace that we'll definitely be able to go through with the cycle this month, but a peace that whether we go through with it or not, God is in control. None of this is random. God has His perfect timing and whether that timing is this month, or some other time, I'm o.k. For the first time since we first suspected infertility problems, I'm really o.k. So now, instead of praying that everything will be fine to go through with the transfer, I'm just praying that God's will be done in the timing of our next baby. Because let's face it, he has a foreverview and I don't.
So in the midst of this lesson, I've been having some real-life testing. We went back last week to see if my cysts were gone and we could start a frozen embryo transfer (FET). They had shrunk, but they were still there. The RE told me to continue with the patches, and they took some blood to see what the cysts were doing. The results: The cysts didn't seem to be doing much of anything. My hormone levels were normal. That was good to hear. Even if I can't go through with the transfer this month, it looks as though my body is getting better instead of worse.
Today we went back again. The doctor could see a little more and 3 of the cysts appear to be outside of my ovary. Meaning that the doctor isn't worried about them one bit. The 4th cyst could be active and turn into an egg that is released. In this case, the cycle wouldn't work because my hormones would take over. That is the main concern right now.
So I go back on Friday to see if the cyst has gotten bigger. If it has, then we cancel the cycle and try again next month. If it hasn't, then it is inactive and we'll be free to do the FET next week.
Through all of these events, I've just has an overwhelming peace. Not a peace that we'll definitely be able to go through with the cycle this month, but a peace that whether we go through with it or not, God is in control. None of this is random. God has His perfect timing and whether that timing is this month, or some other time, I'm o.k. For the first time since we first suspected infertility problems, I'm really o.k. So now, instead of praying that everything will be fine to go through with the transfer, I'm just praying that God's will be done in the timing of our next baby. Because let's face it, he has a foreverview and I don't.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
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