One year ago today it was dawning on us that we'd be losing our little boy. My water broke on March 24 sometime between 8 and 9am. I'm so thankful that it is this year and we have so many blessings to count.
It's still dawning on me how rare it was to have my water break the way it did. When your high-risk OB who performs over 10,000 procedures a year remembers consulting on your case the year before, you know it's rare. As much as I've always wished my doctors would keep things straight and remember me from one visit to the next, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind.
I'm not sure how we'll spend the day on Thursday. I'm crying myself to sleep more at night and having dreams of my little boy--so the grief is there in the quiet hours, but I also have a lot of joy to focus on, knowing that our baby is now 25 weeks along, and each day gives her a greater chance of survival--but the best news is that I've been healthy, so there is really no reason for my water to break unexpectedly.
In a way she is a link to Chase. Conceived on the same day and frozen in time until God had shown the doctors exactly what was wrong with me, in a way Chase's death brought her life...and so God works everything for good. Romans 8:28. My baby boy toddles around the streets of heaven knowing no pain and my pain is eased when our daughter's soft kicks remind me that we have a new arrival to anticipate. One day we'll all be reunited again in a world that is much better off than this one.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Update
It has been a long time since I've updated Chase's blog. Part of it is because I'm trying to just enjoy the pregnancy of my little girl and I just don't want grief to be a part of that. Part of it is a lack of time between pregnancy fatigue, trying to lay low any time I get a smidge of cramping, and my writing business (or hobby, if you look at my taxes)...
So far our little miracle is doing great. She is well photographed due to being high-risk, but the high-risk doctor feels that our situation was just a bizarre fluke and that it doesn't put me at any higher risk this pregnancy...Still, just to be on the safe side he is monitoring our little girl very closely. We've had ultrasounds every few weeks and had the joy of finding out that we're expecting a girl around 16 weeks--much earlier than the normal 20 week ultrasound--not good since I've been shopping since I found out. My regular OB is also being extremely cautious. She has already had me on 2 rounds of antibiotics at different points and will be putting me on antibiotics during delivery just to be safe.
It did turn out that my UTI and vaginal infection (which is what most likely caused my water to break) were from the exact same bacteria. I'm printing that here only so that any of you who are pregnant and suspect a UTI will take it VERY seriously.
We are now 20 weeks and 5 days pregnant. My OB told me that 24 weeks is the point of viability for a baby. Obviously we want this little one to make it to full term, and there's no reason to believe she won't, but if she does come after 24 weeks, the prognosis is not as grim as Chase's was. So we'll be breathing easier in a few weeks.
One thing that has been difficult was the lack of exercise. I'm allowed to exercise, but neither Mike nor I feel comfortable with me doing that. Especially since I have had some worrisome cramping in the past (14 weeks and again at 17 weeks). So I've been taking things extremely easy and I feel like a blimp. I know it'll be worth it when I meet her. It's just discouraging to think of how much weight I will need to lose to feel normal again. Maybe I'll change this to a weight loss/recovery blog after she's born :-)
It is so much fun to have something to look forward to, and though I'll always know that we'd have had 2 boys and a daughter if this weren't a world damaged by sin, I'm just so thankful to be able to laugh with true joy again...We aren't revealing her name, but one thing I love about it is that it means cheerful/happy and her middle name means sweet song...I feel as though we've been given a happy song to replace the dirge in our hearts. It is a good feeling and I'm just so thankful to God for His mercies, which are new every morning. I was in need of some mercy.
So far our little miracle is doing great. She is well photographed due to being high-risk, but the high-risk doctor feels that our situation was just a bizarre fluke and that it doesn't put me at any higher risk this pregnancy...Still, just to be on the safe side he is monitoring our little girl very closely. We've had ultrasounds every few weeks and had the joy of finding out that we're expecting a girl around 16 weeks--much earlier than the normal 20 week ultrasound--not good since I've been shopping since I found out. My regular OB is also being extremely cautious. She has already had me on 2 rounds of antibiotics at different points and will be putting me on antibiotics during delivery just to be safe.
It did turn out that my UTI and vaginal infection (which is what most likely caused my water to break) were from the exact same bacteria. I'm printing that here only so that any of you who are pregnant and suspect a UTI will take it VERY seriously.
We are now 20 weeks and 5 days pregnant. My OB told me that 24 weeks is the point of viability for a baby. Obviously we want this little one to make it to full term, and there's no reason to believe she won't, but if she does come after 24 weeks, the prognosis is not as grim as Chase's was. So we'll be breathing easier in a few weeks.
One thing that has been difficult was the lack of exercise. I'm allowed to exercise, but neither Mike nor I feel comfortable with me doing that. Especially since I have had some worrisome cramping in the past (14 weeks and again at 17 weeks). So I've been taking things extremely easy and I feel like a blimp. I know it'll be worth it when I meet her. It's just discouraging to think of how much weight I will need to lose to feel normal again. Maybe I'll change this to a weight loss/recovery blog after she's born :-)
It is so much fun to have something to look forward to, and though I'll always know that we'd have had 2 boys and a daughter if this weren't a world damaged by sin, I'm just so thankful to be able to laugh with true joy again...We aren't revealing her name, but one thing I love about it is that it means cheerful/happy and her middle name means sweet song...I feel as though we've been given a happy song to replace the dirge in our hearts. It is a good feeling and I'm just so thankful to God for His mercies, which are new every morning. I was in need of some mercy.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Prayers Needed
I was sent this link by a girl on my board today. My heart just goes out to this couple and baby Kayleigh. Kayleigh was born weighing 1lb 1oz. The doctors have given them grim prognoses time and time again and each time God has intervened. Kayleigh is 5 months old and still in the NICU. She is in very critical condition right now and her parents are asking for prayers again.
They also need prayers for their finances as well. Both parents are real estate agents and we all know how that market is doing right now. They are facing huge obstacles, but nothing God can't overcome. Prayer does move the hand of God, I firmly believe that, so I ask you to join me in praying for this family.
They also need prayers for their finances as well. Both parents are real estate agents and we all know how that market is doing right now. They are facing huge obstacles, but nothing God can't overcome. Prayer does move the hand of God, I firmly believe that, so I ask you to join me in praying for this family.
Friday, December 12, 2008
The sound of a baby's heart
Love it! We heard it for the first time today...which means no ultrasound pictures, but it's good news nonetheless!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Fatigue
To be honest...I completely forgot about posting the ultrasound pictures. Fatigue will do that to you. I'm assuming fatigue is a good thing, and I'm thankful for it! My back is better though. I actually heard it pop back into place. Yikes. But I'm just glad I was on my feet and moving again within a couple of days! At this point, I have my first doctors appointment with my OB on Friday. I'm hoping she'll do an ultrasound there and I'll post the pictures of that one--since the baby will have arms and legs at this point, rather than being a blob with a yolk sac. It amazes how quickly these babies grow. My transfer of a 4 and 6 cell embryo wasn't even 2 months ago, and I have a baby with arms and legs who is the size of a plum growing in me. It's amazing! So I'm hoping to get some pictures of that to post...We'll see.
Even with the excitement of the new baby, there are moments when times are hard and I miss the baby that would've, should've, could've been here this Christmas. I'm thankful we have the new baby. I think things would've been unbearable if we didn't. And I know that no matter how fun Christmas is here...Chase is having a far better time celebrating and dwelling with the Savior every single day. It's the only thing that gets me through.
Even with the excitement of the new baby, there are moments when times are hard and I miss the baby that would've, should've, could've been here this Christmas. I'm thankful we have the new baby. I think things would've been unbearable if we didn't. And I know that no matter how fun Christmas is here...Chase is having a far better time celebrating and dwelling with the Savior every single day. It's the only thing that gets me through.
Friday, November 21, 2008
The Ultrasound
Well...after throwing my back out this morning, my joyous news is only hampered by the pain I have and the fact that I can't take any delicious painkillers to help me through...because...We had one healthy baby with a good heartbeat! I have been released to my regular OB, so she will begin my high-risk care. My first appointment with her is December 12. The baby was measuring 7 weeks and 2 days, which makes my estimated due date 7/8/09 :-). I'll try to post the ultrasound pics when my back is better and I'm moving again...based on the level of pain, it may be a week or two....Ouch!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
