My Bible study has been studying Genesis. It has been so good for me to be reminded of God's hand in everything. Creation is amazing and it shows how God is a god of details. He is involved in everything. It is planned and has a purpose. Even when He created Adam and Eve and they sinned, he revealed his plan to save them from their sin through their son Seth. My aching heart has found healing in this reminder. God is a god of details. He has a detailed plan for my life too. One that was thought out before one of my days even came to be. One that was thought out when He spoke and there was light. God knows where this journey leads, and I am confident of that.
So in the midst of this lesson, I've been having some real-life testing. We went back last week to see if my cysts were gone and we could start a frozen embryo transfer (FET). They had shrunk, but they were still there. The RE told me to continue with the patches, and they took some blood to see what the cysts were doing. The results: The cysts didn't seem to be doing much of anything. My hormone levels were normal. That was good to hear. Even if I can't go through with the transfer this month, it looks as though my body is getting better instead of worse.
Today we went back again. The doctor could see a little more and 3 of the cysts appear to be outside of my ovary. Meaning that the doctor isn't worried about them one bit. The 4th cyst could be active and turn into an egg that is released. In this case, the cycle wouldn't work because my hormones would take over. That is the main concern right now.
So I go back on Friday to see if the cyst has gotten bigger. If it has, then we cancel the cycle and try again next month. If it hasn't, then it is inactive and we'll be free to do the FET next week.
Through all of these events, I've just has an overwhelming peace. Not a peace that we'll definitely be able to go through with the cycle this month, but a peace that whether we go through with it or not, God is in control. None of this is random. God has His perfect timing and whether that timing is this month, or some other time, I'm o.k. For the first time since we first suspected infertility problems, I'm really o.k. So now, instead of praying that everything will be fine to go through with the transfer, I'm just praying that God's will be done in the timing of our next baby. Because let's face it, he has a foreverview and I don't.