Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The day my water broke...

One year ago today it was dawning on us that we'd be losing our little boy. My water broke on March 24 sometime between 8 and 9am. I'm so thankful that it is this year and we have so many blessings to count.

It's still dawning on me how rare it was to have my water break the way it did. When your high-risk OB who performs over 10,000 procedures a year remembers consulting on your case the year before, you know it's rare. As much as I've always wished my doctors would keep things straight and remember me from one visit to the next, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

I'm not sure how we'll spend the day on Thursday. I'm crying myself to sleep more at night and having dreams of my little boy--so the grief is there in the quiet hours, but I also have a lot of joy to focus on, knowing that our baby is now 25 weeks along, and each day gives her a greater chance of survival--but the best news is that I've been healthy, so there is really no reason for my water to break unexpectedly.

In a way she is a link to Chase. Conceived on the same day and frozen in time until God had shown the doctors exactly what was wrong with me, in a way Chase's death brought her life...and so God works everything for good. Romans 8:28. My baby boy toddles around the streets of heaven knowing no pain and my pain is eased when our daughter's soft kicks remind me that we have a new arrival to anticipate. One day we'll all be reunited again in a world that is much better off than this one.