Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Guilt

It's really hard when something like this happens not to have guilt over it. I'm realizing though, that guilt is a sin. Guilt implies that I think I had control over Chase's death. Experiencing guilt means that I'm putting myself in the place of God because I think I could have actually changed the situation. Whoa! That's definitely not what I want to do.

There really is nothing to be guilty about. I called the doctor the day my cramping started. I called again when the cramping became a strong backache and I had some other strange stuff going on. I was told it was normal. I went to the ER the minute I saw blood. I was told I was fine and that I wasn't going into labor anytime soon. The next morning my water broke. So I did all I could to let the doctors know that something was off.

I was not in control of this. I'm never in control, even when I think I am. God is sovereign. I don't believe for one second that He wanted this to happen. I do believe He allowed it. I don't know the reasons. That's because I'm not in control. Being out of the control seat is a good place for me to be!

2 comments:

The Perreca Family said...

Not being in control is such a hard thing for me. I will continue to pray for you.

Anonymous said...

Elsie,

You couldn't have put it any better.

"I don't believe for one second that He wanted this to happen. I do believe He allowed it. I don't know the reasons. That's because I'm not in control. Being out of the control seat is a good place for me to be!"

As painful as it is to go through such losses in life, it's amazing, isn't it -- the peace that we have knowing who really is in control of all things! To be able to give it all up to Him, and let him wipe away our tears and fill our hearts with peace and joy, is such a blessing!